Asurion warranty rant : Moto_Z

As I write, I am on maintain for my third name with Asurion in twelve hours. Here is the way it’s all gone down (Warning: lengthy publish):

After proudly owning a z2 and a z3, I did my ultimate improve on this product line to the z4 after the premature demise of my 3. I obtained this new cellphone in July, so about two months in the past.

Final evening, I dropped the cellphone within the driveway, cracking the display. “No worries,” I assumed. “I’ve insurance coverage I’ve paid by way of ASURION to deal with such an eventuality. I will simply give them a name.”

(Music from “Jaws” begins to play ominously within the background).

My first name was really to Verizon, the place I obtained a pleasant rep with the unlikely identify of Maybelline, who was enjoyable, humorous, caring, and went an extended methods in direction of mitigating the anger I used to be going to really feel over the following twelve hours. She defined that since I had the protection, my solely price can be the $99 deductible. (That is essential). The one glitch together with her was the actual fact she was clearly required to attempt to upsell me on the Verizon Safety Plan (“for under $25 a month!”) that will shield all of my digital units. I politely declined.

Maybelline informed me I would want to succeed in out to Asurion, and linked me instantly. Yay!

I am instantly linked to an automatic system, that requested me to kind in my cellphone quantity. After I completed getting into it, an automatic voice stated, “that’s an invalid choice.” It then started to rattle off my quantity again at me, then requested me for my Verizon PIN. I entered it. “####.”

“Your entry was not legitimate. Please strive once more.”


“Your entry was not legitimate. Please strive once more.”

#. #. #. #.

(Music from “Jaws” will get louder).

After I lastly am allowed to talk to a human, she goes by way of a listing of canned questions asking me about my cellphone:

Do you continue to have the system? Sure.

Is it nonetheless functioning? Sure.

Is there any harm to it? …Sure? (in any other case, why am I talking to you?)

Please describe the harm. Dropped it, broke the display.

She then places me on maintain, and comes again to inform me they don’t have any z4’s accessible, and that they might offer me a comparable mannequin. I informed her that there actually is not a comparable mannequin, and that I’ve a whole lot of {dollars} invested in mods for this specific cellphone. I used to be very cheap as I defined this, and requested the way it was doable {that a} cellphone I simply obtained from Verizon in July can be unobtainable at this level. She stated the cellphone was on backorder, they usually had no concept after they would get extra of them. I requested her if it was a matter of the colour (I at present have one in white, however would take any coloration for the reason that mods cowl it up anyway) and she or he assured me there can be none accessible for the foreseeable future. Moreover, there was no point out of the $99 deductible in any case.

She then provided to reconnect me with Verizon, as a result of, she asserted, they may have the ability to assist me out with getting a substitute z4. Earlier than the switch, although, she, like Maybelline, tried to upsell me on the Verizon Safety Plan. “No, thanks,” once more. The Verizon rep (sadly, not Maybelline, however nearly as good) will get on the road and I clarify my predicament.

Her resolution was to succeed in out to Asurion, as a result of the coverage is evidently that if they can’t present me with a substitute cellphone, they will both give me a comparable one or pay me for the entire worth of the cellphone, which I might then use with Verizon to purchase one other z4 out of their inventory. Convoluted and silly, however no matter. I need to get this performed.

I am on maintain for about 40 minutes as she speaks with Asurion, interrupting the stunning Verizon maintain music as soon as to ask me for my PIN for Asurion. When she lastly returns, she has me name Asurion again to finish the method.

Asurion name redux: I am sorry, that is an invalid choice. I am sorry, you entry was not acknowledged.

Ultimately, I am linked with one other Asurion drone who appears like he is hopped up on some type of mixture of Pink Bull and low. He goes by way of the identical rote questions on my cellphone’s harm, which I reply once more, regardless of feeling a bit foolish for doing so. He places me on maintain, then comes again a couple of minutes later. “Excellent news and unhealthy information! Now we have the cellphone, however not in the identical coloration. I hope that is not a deal-breaker.” I guarantee him it is not. He tells me the cellphone is scheduled to be delivered to me by the next afternoon. Wow! Fairly superior service, regardless of the glitches up to now. He, just like the earlier rep, made no point out of the deductible, and I obtained to take heed to my third upsell for the Verizon Safety Plan in as many hours. Earlier than disconnecting, he informed me I’d be receiving an e mail shortly which might require me to add an affidavit and a replica of my driver’s license to confirm my identification and to say I wasn’t making all this up. I requested if this would possibly trigger a delay in my transport. “It…should not…” he informed me, fairly unconvincingly.

(“Jaws” music good points depth).

I hopped on my laptop computer and noticed the e-mail from Asurion. The primary annoyance was the web site it despatched me to was locked so I could not paste within the twelve-digit declare ID from my e mail. Not an enormous deal, however it did not assist construct my confidence of their system. I downloaded, printed, and stuffed out and signed the affidavit, then scanned it and my driver’s license and uploaded them to their system. I obtained a affirmation e mail indicating they’d obtained my information, and that it might take as much as three hours for them to confirm. Nevertheless, the verification e mail got here by way of in simply minutes. Possibly the system is working!

I clicked on the “click on right here to proceed your declare” hyperlink…which introduced me to the identical Asurion web page I would stuffed out earlier (the one the place I could not paste in my declare quantity). Stupidly, I began filling out the web page, however stopped after I obtained to a bit that had a written model of the identical canned questions the 2 reps had requested me. In the midst of doing this, I obtained an e mail notification that thanked me for beginning a brand new declare. WTH?

I gave up for the night, and obtained on the cellphone with them this morning. Similar do-si-do with the automated system, with the added bonus of a brand new characteristic: this time, when it could not perceive my PIN, it informed me “Your PIN was not acknowledged. Please confirm it and name again later. Dumbass.” (Okay, the automated voice did not name me a “dumbass,” however that was undoubtedly the tone.

After I lastly managed to get ahold of rep #3 (who, presumably as a result of early hour might undoubtedly have benefited from among the stimulants #2 had been utilizing), went by way of the SAME DAMNED ROTE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY PHONE AGAIN earlier than telling me my declare had been cancelled.

(The shark is actively attacking now, the strings of the London Philharmonic screeching).

#Three had no concept why my declare was cancelled, however appeared to suppose it may need had one thing to do with the actual fact I would resubmitted one other declare. BECAUSE THEIR SYSTEM SENT ME TO THAT PAGE. She tells me she’s discovered a cellphone for me, although, and it is going to be at my home tomorrow. Okay, an additional day, not an enormous deal. Nonetheless irritating. Nonetheless no point out of the deductible.

Beginning to see the handwriting on the wall, I requested if I’d be getting an e mail verification with a monitoring quantity or different details about the cargo. She informed me it could come “in a pair minutes.” After all, earlier than hanging up, she shared with me the virtues of the Verizon Safety Plan. After I informed her I wasn’t , she even prodded, “oh, come on, it is solely $25 a month!”

A couple of minutes later, an e mail from Asurion reveals up. I open it.

It needs me to submit an affidavit and my picture ID.

Considering again on studying Kafka in highschool Honors English, I add my paperwork, and place what I hope is my ultimate name to Asurion. This time, I obtained a lady named Mahogany, who, with Maybelline, served as a bookend of sanity to the twelve hours of loopy I would just gone by way of.

I defined all the things I would gone by way of, and she or he verified that I would just uploaded my paperwork. She then informed me a substitute cellphone was accessible, and that I would must pay a deductible of $99.

(The music diminishes, because the shark, sensing no extra prey, swims out to sea).

She even informed me that she was capable of get same-day supply, so the cellphone is because of arrive between Three and 5 this afternoon, and I’ve the e-mail to substantiate it.

She nonetheless did the Verizon Safety Plan upsell speech, however I used to be so grateful to her I nearly purchased it.

TL;DR: Asurion is a hack outfit that is solely involved about upselling ineffective insurance coverage insurance policies.


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